The best celebrity jokes

James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death
What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
Vote: has 76.66 % from 113 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, time
Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.
Vote: has 76.11 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Vote: has 76.01 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
There was a guy in a bar one night that got drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed, he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well, the nun was totally surprised, but before she could do or say anything, he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much. So then he leaned over her, put his face right next to hers and said; "Not very f..kin' strong tonight, are you Batman?"
Vote: has 75.90 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, celebrity, drunk
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Vote: has 75.65 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, music
Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Vote: has 75.17 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, food, life, music
Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, science
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
Vote: has 74.58 % from 166 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, health, hospital, masturbation