Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand. That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong... God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.