Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, hes' known as Super Man.
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money? A: He is always a little to short.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.