Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race...
Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".
This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar. “This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” he says to the guy next to him. “Oh, really?” the other replies. “It is a nice place. It’s also a very special bar.” “Why is that?” the first guy asks. “Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That’s an original Van Gogh, and this stool I’m sitting on was on the Titanic.” “Gee, that’s amazing!” says the first guy. “Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you’ll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you’re pushed back up.” “No way! That’s impossible,” the guy scoffs. “Not at all. Take a look,” the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40…50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh — he comes right back up and sails back through the window. “See? It’s fun. You should try it,” he says. “Try it? I don’t even believe I saw it!” the first man shouts. “It’s easy. Watch, I’ll do it again.” And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40… 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh — he comes right back up and sails back through the window. “Give it a try. It’s a blast,” he says. “Well, what the heck, I’ll give it a try,” the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10… 20… 30… 40… 50…60…70…80…90… 100 feet and splat — he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk. After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”