The best celebrity jokes

There was a guy in a bar one night that got drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed, he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well, the nun was totally surprised, but before she could do or say anything, he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much. So then he leaned over her, put his face right next to hers and said; "Not very f..kin' strong tonight, are you Batman?"
Vote:
has 72.55 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, celebrity, drunk
Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.
Vote:
has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, nerd
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. One hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says: "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds: "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!", exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!." So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says: "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
Vote:
has 71.95 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, celebrity, drunk
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 71.72 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death
Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms. "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo. "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG!!! "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?" "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?" Quasimodo came out and said... "I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"
Vote:
has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
Vote:
has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Vote:
has 71.36 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, music
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
Vote:
has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, music, women
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said "Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted." The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven." Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?" "Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are."
Vote:
has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, god, heaven, women
Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.
Vote:
has 71.22 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
<<<5678
More jokes →
Page 5 of 26.