The best celebrity jokes

Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.
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has 75.57 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
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has 75.28 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, health, hospital, masturbation
Chuck Norris once appeared on celebrity wipeout. They had to end the season after he destroyed the sucker punch wall with his chin.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
The wrecking ball in the Miley Cyrus video isn't a wrecking ball it's one of Chuck Norris testicles.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars. The last one was called the Hindenburg.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, teacher
What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
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has 74.86 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, time
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dad, kids, money, school
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
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