First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong... God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Eminem says "I'm not afraid". Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."