When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do.