The best celebrity jokes

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
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has 79.95 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, golf, sport
Q: What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a salad? A: The salad is dressed.
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, food
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
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has 79.31 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
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has 79.05 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."
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has 78.94 % from 349 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
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has 78.68 % from 2173 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 78.66 % from 241 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
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has 78.40 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, political
A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone. "Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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has 78.02 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, genie, holiday, lawyer, women
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
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has 77.93 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, music
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