Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
A real man would never cry in public unless:
He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master.
Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt.
Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
Vote:
If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
Vote:
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
Vote:
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting.
During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.”
So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.”
The others nod and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.”
So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.”
The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart.
He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."