Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort. Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race...
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.