Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long.
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
CBS hired Chuck Norris to replace Charlie Sheen, now the show is called Ten and half Men.
Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.