Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant?
A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
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Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Pork Chop.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.
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A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there.
He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does.
When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man.
When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man.
At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood.
So the American man stood too.
Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down.
Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth.
When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
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When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
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I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's total bollocks" I replied.
By text, from across the road.
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After a recent football game, the team went into the locker room to get out of their uniforms and to shower.
In the showers, Bubba noticed that Duke has a cork shoved up his butt-hole.
So, Bubba asked, "Duke, why in the world do you have a cork up your butt?"
Duke answered, "Last night when I was cleaning my antique brass lamps, a genie came out of one of them. The genie said that I had one wish. I was really startled and I replied, "No shit!"
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The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes.
St. Peter: "What do you want? "
Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus."
St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
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