Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright.
Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed:
- to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.
- to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.
- to be a Nobel Prize winner.
- to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.
- he was fired "on accident."
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Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
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Joke has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, insulting, technology, Yo mama
St. Peter was sat next to the god in heaven when the all of a sudden the pearly gates started to rattle.
God said to Peter,"go and see who is rattling the gates."
Peter ran down the stairway to heaven and opened the pearly gates and there stood a dirty unwashed man in a vest.
Peter looked the man up and down and said "yes' can I help you?"
The man replied in a broad Irish accent, "Top of the mornin to ya sur, would the good lord have any scrap he be not wanting?"
St. Peter stood silent for a moment then said: "wait here a moment."
Peter shut the gate and ran back up the stairway to heaven and said to God, "It's Pykies my lord, wanting scrap."
God says to St. Peter "Shit! Lock everything up and hide the keys, then go back down and tell them to bugger off!"
Peter runs down the stairway to heaven opens the gate and tells "the pykie to bugger off, slams the pearly gates shut and locks it. Peter returns to the lord."
God says to Peter, "we'll give it half hour then go and see if they have gone."
A half hour passed.
"Peter! Go and see if they have gone!"
Peter runs down the stairway to heaven then returns to God panting and says to God "They have gone, my Lord!"
"Good" says God, "and so have the pearly gates, my lord."
A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "What will it be?"
The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"
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Drunk guy gets pulled over.
Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him.
The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence."
So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
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A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."
Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...
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Me: "Will you Remember me in a day?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a week?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a month?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a year?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Ok, I have a joke.
Her: "Ok."
Me: "Knock, knock."
Her: "Who's there?"
Me: "You didn't remember me."
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