Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today."
Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke."
Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order."
Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's."
Employee: "Sir its McDonald's."
Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
Vote:
Joke has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food, little Johnny
My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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Me: "Will you Remember me in a day?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a week?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a month?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a year?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Ok, I have a joke.
Her: "Ok."
Me: "Knock, knock."
Her: "Who's there?"
Me: "You didn't remember me."
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Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright.
Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed:
- to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.
- to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.
- to be a Nobel Prize winner.
- to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.
- he was fired "on accident."
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Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
Vote:
Joke has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, insulting, technology, Yo mama
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry.
So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
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A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
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St. Peter was sat next to the god in heaven when the all of a sudden the pearly gates started to rattle.
God said to Peter,"go and see who is rattling the gates."
Peter ran down the stairway to heaven and opened the pearly gates and there stood a dirty unwashed man in a vest.
Peter looked the man up and down and said "yes' can I help you?"
The man replied in a broad Irish accent, "Top of the mornin to ya sur, would the good lord have any scrap he be not wanting?"
St. Peter stood silent for a moment then said: "wait here a moment."
Peter shut the gate and ran back up the stairway to heaven and said to God, "It's Pykies my lord, wanting scrap."
God says to St. Peter "Shit! Lock everything up and hide the keys, then go back down and tell them to bugger off!"
Peter runs down the stairway to heaven opens the gate and tells "the pykie to bugger off, slams the pearly gates shut and locks it. Peter returns to the lord."
God says to Peter, "we'll give it half hour then go and see if they have gone."
A half hour passed.
"Peter! Go and see if they have gone!"
Peter runs down the stairway to heaven then returns to God panting and says to God "They have gone, my Lord!"
"Good" says God, "and so have the pearly gates, my lord."