When Chuck Norris makes a joke on this website, everyone starts to make bad jokes because they didn't want to anger Chuck Norris.
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement" Me: "Thank you."
Work emails are like the gym. You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun. You get bored of it within hours. You only keep going to keep up your reputation. The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.
In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal. He answered: "Where?" The country went bankrupt.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store? A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
A random communist leader hears about a man making jokes about him. He organizes a feast and calls the man. Leader: "This is how all meals will look in the future!" Man: (looks for a few seconds at the leader then says): "I thought I was the one around with the jokes."
Yo mama so dumb that when she looked in a mirror she yelled stop copying me.
Me: How do I unsubscribe so I don't get your emails any more? Boss: What?