Q: What did one magnet say to the other? A: I find you very attractive.
Q: What was the world's first palindrome? A: Madam, I'm Adam.
Q: What did the basketball say to the player? A: Please don't shoot me.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's. What a clown!
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
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The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."