I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
Vote:
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
Vote:
Work emails are like the gym.
You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun.
You get bored of it within hours.
You only keep going to keep up your reputation.
The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."
Vote:
After a recent football game, the team went into the locker room to get out of their uniforms and to shower.
In the showers, Bubba noticed that Duke has a cork shoved up his butt-hole.
So, Bubba asked, "Duke, why in the world do you have a cork up your butt?"
Duke answered, "Last night when I was cleaning my antique brass lamps, a genie came out of one of them. The genie said that I had one wish. I was really startled and I replied, "No shit!"
Vote:
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
Vote:
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
Q: What do you call a pot of angry water?
A: Boiling mad.
Vote:
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
Vote: