Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face? A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Q: What did the fire monster that was slayed by the water monster say? A: "You're cold."
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
A man walks into a sperm Bank. He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle. He decides to start a conversation with him. He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?" The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
When somebody is totally angry, why not say: "Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"
Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed: - to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying. - to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin. - to be a Nobel Prize winner. - to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time. - he was fired "on accident."
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called? A: A Cock in the mouth!
Pritam is driving down the Delhi-Amritsar highway when he spots his friend Shankar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Shankar is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. Pritam gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Shankar and asks him, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" Shankar replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks Pritam, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Noble Prize to people who are outstanding in their field."