My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
Q: What do you call a pot of angry water? A: Boiling mad.
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's. What a clown!
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
When Chuck Norris makes a joke on this website, everyone starts to make bad jokes because they didn't want to anger Chuck Norris.
Work emails are like the gym. You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun. You get bored of it within hours. You only keep going to keep up your reputation. The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."