I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
Q: What did one vegan say to the other vegan? A: We have to stop meating like this.
A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help. "What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me." "Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow." She says, "It's ceramic tile."
Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A: A dino-snore!
Q: Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches Long? A: Because if it will 12 inches then it will a foot.
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated? A: "Oh balls."
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Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile. In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!