The best communication jokes

Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!
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has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, dinosaur
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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has 57.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, heaven, knock-knock, sex
Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, work
Poor Mac was having a bad time finding work. He was very overweight and it seemed to turn employers away. rnrnFinally, he found a job driving the tour bus on the Sesame Street studio. He was instructed to ask the names of the boarding passengers so he could personally address them as he gave the spoken tour while driving.rnrnIt was his first day. He sat patiently at the stop waiting for his passengers when he watched a huge fat lady waddle up to the bus. He asked her name as she boarded, and she responded Patty. Welcome aboard, Patty. Have a seat and we will be off soon. rnrnHe was startled when and equally large fellow approached. Again, he asked the name and the response was Patty O'Brien with a thick Irish brogue. Welcome aboard, Patty. Have a seat and we will be off soon. rnrnJust after the two Pattys had selected their seats, a shy looking small boy came up and asked if he could go. Sure son, come on in. What's your name? The boy responded Ross. It sounded like Ross might have some special problem but he seemed OK. rnrnThere were not many others around, so Mac was thinking he might not have anyone else join in. He was about to drive off when a creepy fellow came running up and asked to go along. Sure, come on in. We are about to go. What's your name? Lester was the response. Have a seat Lester. We are just about to go.rnrnAs he drove off to begin the tour, he glanced in the mirror to look at the passengers. Lester had removed his shoe and was picking at something on his foot. The vision made Big Mac laugh so hard he had to stop for a minute. rnrnHe was thinking who would believe this? Here I am with two big Pattys, a special Ross, and a creep named Lester picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus?
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, driving, life, travel, work
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, doctor, insulting, women
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, husband, nurse, stupid
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, computer, mean, technology, work
One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile. In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, kids, wife
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs. When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble". When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex, teacher
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, stupid
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