Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
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Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
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Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DAMMIT open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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Little Johnny comes home from school, and his mom asks: "Johnny, how did it go with your exam? Was written or oral?"
And Johnny says: "Mom, I think it was anal... 'Cuz it went like shit!"
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I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
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Q: What do you call a cat that wants to have sex?
A: freak.
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Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor?
A: Long distance!
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Q: What did one vegan say to the other vegan?
A: We have to stop meating like this.
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A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."
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