During a conversation regarding new potential Johny's job: "Johny, tell us and what is your weak feature?" Johny: "Openness!" Interviewer: "But the openness isn't a weak feature!" Johny: "Ok, but I fuck what you think!"
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball". So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball." So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
When you have a question you check with Google. When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Q: What do you call a cat that wants to have sex? A: freak.