Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vagina? A: A woman.
My friend's dad went to Hungary. I asked her, "Was your dad hungry in Hungary?"
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated? A: "Oh balls."
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"
Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"
What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve? Answer: "Halo there!"
Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.