Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.
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None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
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My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
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Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?
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Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
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I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
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A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal.
She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal".
The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".
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So a dude turns to the guy next to him at a bar and asks, "Hey, you wanna hear a redneck story?"
The guy says, "Buddy, I'm six feet, 210 pounds, an' ma name's Billy Joe. You see the guy on the other side of you? That there's Bubba. He's 225 pounds of solid muscle and he's a redneck. And the boy next to him? Mike's a trucker who weighs 295 and he's a redneck, too. Now, do you still want to tell your redneck story?"
The fella says, "Naw, you're right... I'd hate to have to explain it three times!"
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In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language.
My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.
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