The best cop jokes

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
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Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
Vote: has 19.53 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???" "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
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What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Vote: has 18.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Brings little Johny a can to policeman and asks: Can you please open the can? Policeman knocks at it: Please open the door, police...
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The cops must be after you, because it's illegal to look that good.
Vote: has 17.55 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
Vote: has 16.16 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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A traffic cop on patrol one night, watching a 35mph zone on the edge of town, suddenly saw a car come blazing by his hideout. Quickly grabbing at his radar gun, he clocked the fast moving vehicle at 87mph!
Vote: has 13.41 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

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