How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him. 
Vote:
Brings little Johny a can to policeman and asks:
Can you please open the can? Policeman knocks at it:
Please open the door, police...
Vote:
The cops must be after you, because it's illegal to look that good.
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Vote:
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home.
” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years !
So how could you get lost ?
” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear.
Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
Vote:
A traffic cop on patrol one night, watching a 35mph zone on the edge of town, suddenly saw a car come blazing by his hideout.
Quickly grabbing at his radar gun, he clocked the fast moving vehicle at 87mph!
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, maybe your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Why did the policman cry? because he couldn"t take his Panda to bed!
I went to the store the other day.
I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?