The best dad jokes

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote:
has 66.62 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, gay, sex
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Vote:
has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dad, marriage
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote:
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
Vote:
has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true? I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries! Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything!”
Vote:
has 64.77 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, marriage
A man and wife were making love. When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away. Mom said "You better fix this now." The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma. The dad screamed "What the fuck." The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
Vote:
has 64.71 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, family, kids, sex
Why do mexicans walk around the school like they own the place? Cause there dad built it and there mom cleans it at night.
Vote:
has 64.63 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: dad, mexican, racist, school
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote:
has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there. He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does. When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man. When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man. At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood. So the American man stood too. Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down. Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth. When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, communication, dad, ethnic
<<<12131415
More jokes →
Page 12 of 19.