The best dad jokes

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Vote: has 66.37 % from 137 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, dad, little Johnny, money, priest
*Girl is crying* Dad: Why you crying? Girl: My boyfriend dumped me! Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him! Dad: I didn't Girl: Where did you go? Dad: To get you icecream :D Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?! Dad: So I could get it for free!
Vote: has 66.34 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, food, women
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
Vote: has 66.34 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 66.27 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, time
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Vote: has 64.90 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty
Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, ugly, Yo mama
Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?' His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?' Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, money
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Vote: has 62.93 % from 535 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, marriage, money