The best dad jokes

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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has 54.89 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
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has 54.80 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, terrorist
4-year-old: Why are you my dad? Me: Because I made you. 4: How? Me: ... 4: O.o Me: ... 4: O.O Me: With Legos.
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink. "Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something." "Dad you don´t mea-" "Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son. "Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored." "Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dad, old people, time
I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
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has 54.59 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: black people, dad, money
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, kids
Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: dad, fart, kids, weed
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
Teacher: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father: No. Why do you ask that? Teacher: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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has 54.13 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dad, school, teacher
While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves. “Daddy, were you in a war?” “Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be. Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
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has 53.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, military
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