The best death jokes

A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. "From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime."
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has 79.96 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, priest, religious, time
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? A: "Yes, the red wire."
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, work
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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has 79.25 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, death, life
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
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has 79.19 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, dog, mother in law, work
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that." I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"
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has 79.18 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, mother in law
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
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has 79.10 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, death, nerd
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
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has 78.89 % from 196 votes. More jokes about: death, morbid, terrorist
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.” “Is that you, Fred?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.” “Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.” “Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
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has 78.81 % from 352 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, heaven, husband, sex
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
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has 78.79 % from 2438 votes. More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
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