The best death jokes

When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
Vote: has 79.35 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
Vote: has 79.11 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, hipster, work
When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa... peacefully... sleeping... unlike the passengers in his car.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, old people
Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? Answer: He died laughing.
Vote: has 78.75 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, women
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. "Every blonde in the world will get two million." The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. "Now for your third wish." said the genie. "See that stick over there?", asked the brunette, "I want you to beat me half to death with it."
Vote: has 78.73 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, death, genie, men, money
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Vote: has 78.68 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, death, nerd
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them. "I will grant you three wishes for setting me free out of this lamp. But, since there are two of you, one can have two wishes and the other only one". A Serb said: "I am very modest, I'll have one wish. Let my Albanian friend have two". "What is your first wish?", the Ginnie asked Albanian. "I wish that there are no Serbs in Kosovo at all any more". "Done", said the Ginnie. " What is your second wish?" "I wish that whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall, so no more Serbs can return ever again". " Done", said the Ginnie. "Now you", sad the Ginnie to a Serb, "What is that you wish?". A Serb was thinking for a moment, than asked the Ginnie: "Are there realy no more Serbs in Kosovo at all?". "That's right", said the Ginnie. "And whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall?", a Serb asked again. "It certainly is. All around. Not even a fly could enter it now", the Ginnie replied. Then Serb said: "OK, now fill it up with water""
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, friendship, genie
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
Vote: has 78.49 % from 2370 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher