The best death jokes

A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank. In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off. He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her. He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face. She said that she did and he shot and killed her too. He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place. The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face. The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
Vote: has 76.91 % from 159 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, wife, women
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
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More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground. As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?" The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, death, men
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Vote: has 76.45 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
Q: Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? A: All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
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More jokes about: death, family, redneck
Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, friendship
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, hipster, life
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
Vote: has 76.26 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, morbid, terrorist