The best death jokes

Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Vote: has 79.17 % from 144 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: chemistry, death, nerd
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, life, music
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, death, insulting
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
Vote: has 78.76 % from 2430 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
Vote: has 78.75 % from 184 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, morbid, terrorist
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Vote: has 78.68 % from 74 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
Vote: has 78.57 % from 129 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, dog, mother in law, work
Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
Vote: has 78.48 % from 123 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, death, redneck
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
Vote: has 78.35 % from 324 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote: has 78.34 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time


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