The best death jokes

If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Vote: has 78.51 % from 166 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that." I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"
Vote: has 78.47 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, mother in law
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
Vote: has 78.41 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
Vote: has 78.20 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, "We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell." "How do I know which to choose?" She asked. "That's easy," said St. Peter. "you have to spend a day in each place before making a decision." With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hell. The elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her. She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times. That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant. She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, her day in hell was over and she returned to heaven. The day in heaven was okay. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp. At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision. "Well, heaven was great and all," the nurse said, "but I had abetter time in hell. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell." With that, she got in the elevator and went back down. When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks. When the devil walked over, she said to him, "I don't understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking." The devil smiled and said, "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you're staff."
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, friendship, heaven, nurse, work
Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff's arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff. "It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it... and the blonde doesn't."
Vote: has 78.06 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, car, death, heaven, life
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote: has 77.97 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
Vote: has 77.95 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, death, redneck
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
Vote: has 77.94 % from 278 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death