Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.
Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?" "No." "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" "Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
Q: Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? A: All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.