The best death jokes

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 75.25 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, women
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body." Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
Vote: has 75.15 % from 290 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, little Johnny, school, teacher
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, life
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
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More jokes about: death, Halloween
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
Vote: has 74.89 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, life, music
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Vote: has 74.78 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote: has 74.63 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, blonde, death, stupid