The best death jokes

When you die on Earth you go to hell. When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.
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has 76.77 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them. "I will grant you three wishes for setting me free out of this lamp. But, since there are two of you, one can have two wishes and the other only one". A Serb said: "I am very modest, I'll have one wish. Let my Albanian friend have two". "What is your first wish?", the Ginnie asked Albanian. "I wish that there are no Serbs in Kosovo at all any more". "Done", said the Ginnie. " What is your second wish?" "I wish that whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall, so no more Serbs can return ever again". " Done", said the Ginnie. "Now you", sad the Ginnie to a Serb, "What is that you wish?". A Serb was thinking for a moment, than asked the Ginnie: "Are there realy no more Serbs in Kosovo at all?". "That's right", said the Ginnie. "And whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall?", a Serb asked again. "It certainly is. All around. Not even a fly could enter it now", the Ginnie replied. Then Serb said: "OK, now fill it up with water""
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has 76.68 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, friendship, genie
Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff's arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff. "It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it... and the blonde doesn't."
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has 76.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: beer, car, death, heaven, life
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
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has 76.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, husband, kids
Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.
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has 76.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
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has 76.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, management, military
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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has 76.48 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game, life
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
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