Death: It's your time. give me your hand
Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die!
Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five!
Blonde: *high fives*
Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park.
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!"
The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver.
She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?"
"Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish.
Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids."
"Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too."
"My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Chuck Norris will never die.
The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Q: How come so black people died during the war?
A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.