The best death jokes

Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
Vote: has 73.78 % from 199 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote: has 73.75 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, death, war
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 73.68 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, women
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Vote: has 73.64 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, racist
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death