The best death jokes

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body." Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
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has 75.00 % from 388 votes. More jokes about: death, little Johnny, school, teacher
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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has 74.80 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. "What are you doing." they ask her. So she replies "Hanging myself." The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck." The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."
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has 74.75 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, stupid
Death: It's your time. give me your hand Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...
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has 74.74 % from 1626 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, stupid
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 74.72 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
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has 74.65 % from 505 votes. More jokes about: asian, death, ethnic
Chuck Norris was born feet first. It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
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has 74.61 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, death, doctor
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, Fathers day, life
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