The best death jokes

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
Death: It's your time. give me your hand Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...
Vote: has 74.34 % from 1556 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, death, stupid
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
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More jokes about: bird, blonde, death, stupid
Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
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More jokes about: beer, death, redneck
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid