The best death jokes

A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. "From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime."
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, priest, religious, time
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, “Well , that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.” The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?” Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”
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has 75.89 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, lawyer, money
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 75.23 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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has 75.20 % from 317 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: bird, blonde, death, stupid
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