The best death jokes

Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.
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has 75.57 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 75.34 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!  They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book. He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies "I only ever touched one with my index finger." He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates." He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis." She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."  He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate." Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way. ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?" The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
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has 75.33 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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has 75.31 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, life
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, food
A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.  As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.  "I'll give you a lift." The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer." The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, priest
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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has 75.20 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
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