The best death jokes

How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
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has 74.05 % from 365 votes. More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
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has 73.94 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: bird, blonde, death, stupid
When you die on Earth you go to hell. When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.
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has 73.86 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground. As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?" The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, men
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by? The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde." Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde." The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?" The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, death, women
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
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has 73.50 % from 406 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
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has 73.12 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, sex, time, weather
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