The best death jokes

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
Vote: has 73.28 % from 98 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, death, school
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote: has 73.22 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
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More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
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More jokes about: death, Halloween
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death