The best death jokes

Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
Vote: has 73.28 % from 98 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, death, school
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
Vote: has 72.83 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, death, ethnic
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, death
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Vote: has 72.33 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, black humor, death, hospital
Death once took Chuck Norris. He regreted it.
Vote: has 72.24 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
Vote: has 72.24 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Vote: has 71.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, racist
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
Vote: has 71.87 % from 181 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, heaven, sex, wife
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death