The best death jokes

A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: business, car, death, drunk, lawyer
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
has 74.39 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: age, death, school
Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.
has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: death, political, tax, time
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body." Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
has 74.35 % from 340 votes. More jokes about: death, little Johnny, school, teacher
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
has 74.33 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: bird, blonde, death, stupid
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
has 74.27 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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