The best death jokes

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop, death, phone
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
Vote: has 74.20 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
Three men were caught for murder on same day. Very next day they were produced in the court. After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch. It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone. After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes. Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish. First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing. He is lashed 500 times all over his body. He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness. When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me." Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes. Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish. He looked around. He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiot. He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, dirty, prison, time, wife
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
Vote: has 74.05 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
Vote: has 73.97 % from 192 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, death, ethnic
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, wife
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death