The best death jokes

Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
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More jokes about: death, life
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
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More jokes about: communication, death, food
Q: Did you hear that the travel agency NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN offers the flights over the Bermuda Triangle? A: Mostly is the trip successful for the first time, max. for the second time. Very popular is also the camping in tents near the shore of the river Nile.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, death, time, travel
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
Vote: has 73.25 % from 232 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
Vote: has 73.25 % from 199 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, death, heaven, sex, wife
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
Vote: has 73.13 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife


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