The best death jokes

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
has 72.60 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
has 72.54 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, sport, Yo mama
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
has 72.54 % from 313 votes. More jokes about: asian, black humor, death, hospital
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
has 72.45 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween, travel
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
has 71.87 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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