The best death jokes

How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
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has 72.45 % from 312 votes. More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
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has 72.33 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 72.33 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.
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has 72.01 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
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has 71.65 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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has 71.47 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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has 71.29 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
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