The best death jokes

If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog. He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life. The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl" "But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says. "Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother. "But I'm not an American," the man says. "What are you then?" asks the mother. "I'm an Iranian," the man says. The next day he sees the newspaper headlines: Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, dog, life
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, war
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion. No episode aired, as no one survived.
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
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has 73.79 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: asian, death, ethnic
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
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has 73.75 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: car, death, heaven, sex, wife
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
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has 73.64 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
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