Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.