The best death jokes

Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow? A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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has 73.01 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: age, death, redneck, wife
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
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has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
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has 72.68 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, political, tax, time
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: black humor, couple, death, money, old people
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
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has 72.33 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 72.31 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
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