The best death jokes

An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, couple, death, money, old people
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, music
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: business, car, death, drunk, lawyer
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, tax, work
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
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has 72.33 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
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has 72.25 % from 247 votes. More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
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has 71.97 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, racist
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