The best death jokes

When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
has 72.21 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, racist
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
has 72.06 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
has 72.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, death, old people, Yo mama
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
has 71.93 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
has 71.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
has 71.85 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: death, hipster, work
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
has 71.81 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: asian, black humor, death, hospital
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