Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
Knock, knock Who's there? I'm Mr, Farter. Mr, Farter who? I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! What for?” “For killing my third wife. I strangled her.” “What happened to your second wife?” “I shot her.” “And, if I may ask, your first wife?” “We had a fight and she fell off a building.” “Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers? A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!