The best death jokes

When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
Vote: has 72.54 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
Vote: has 72.45 % from 217 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.  As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.  "I'll give you a lift." The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer." The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, priest
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Vote: has 72.26 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks? A: The only good one killed himself.
Vote: has 71.97 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, food, Hitler, work
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
Vote: has 71.72 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Vote: has 71.70 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, racist


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