The best death jokes

A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!  They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book. He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies "I only ever touched one with my index finger." He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates." He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis." She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."  He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate." Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way. ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?" The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
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More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
Vote: has 72.72 % from 195 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
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More jokes about: cop, death, wife
This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, morbid, travel
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
Vote: has 72.70 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, life, time
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game, life
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
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More jokes about: death, life