The best death jokes

A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
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More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Vote: has 72.87 % from 151 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
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More jokes about: cop, death, wife
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks? A: The only good one killed himself.
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More jokes about: black humor, death, food, Hitler, work
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, death, food
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone


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