The best death jokes

A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
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has 72.90 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
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has 72.81 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
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has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, couple, death, money, old people
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, fish
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion. No episode aired, as no one survived.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
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