The best death jokes

Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, cowboy, death
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, wife
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, holiday, men, money, wife
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, ethnic, wife
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time