Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.