The best death jokes

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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has 71.49 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
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has 71.31 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 71.16 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
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has 71.12 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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has 71.05 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
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has 71.05 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
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has 70.69 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, racist
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