The best death jokes

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
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has 73.50 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
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has 73.49 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
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has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: bible, death, money
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
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has 73.01 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
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