The best death jokes

Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
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has 72.18 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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has 72.02 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
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has 71.92 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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has 71.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
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has 71.85 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: death, hipster, work
When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp. Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish." After a thought he says he's got it. "My first wish is i want a million dollars." Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars." Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.." Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres. "And now you have but one wish." "The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."
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has 71.57 % from 389 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, genie, money, racist
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