The best death jokes

Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, fat, sport, Yo mama
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, time, women
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, drunk
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Vote: has 67.81 % from 140 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, funeral, gay
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, food, life
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, relationship, work
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, life, prison