The best death jokes

I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
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Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
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When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
Vote: has 71.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
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A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.  As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.  "I'll give you a lift." The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer." The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."
Vote: has 71.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, priest
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Vote: has 71.41 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, racist
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
Vote: has 70.92 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
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Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, Halloween


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