The best death jokes

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, family, Halloween, time
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
has 68.89 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
has 68.86 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
has 68.79 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
Yo mama's so stupid she tried comiting suicide by jumping of a tall building but got lost on the way down.
has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, stupid, Yo mama
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.
has 68.44 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
has 68.35 % from 355 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
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