The best death jokes

Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, "We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell." "How do I know which to choose?" She asked. "That's easy," said St. Peter. "you have to spend a day in each place before making a decision." With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hell. The elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her. She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times. That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant. She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, her day in hell was over and she returned to heaven. The day in heaven was okay. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp. At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision. "Well, heaven was great and all," the nurse said, "but I had abetter time in hell. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell." With that, she got in the elevator and went back down. When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks. When the devil walked over, she said to him, "I don't understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking." The devil smiled and said, "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you're staff."
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has 75.19 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: death, friendship, heaven, nurse, work
The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion. No episode aired, as no one survived.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
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has 74.90 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: asian, death, ethnic
A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. "From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, priest, religious, time
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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has 74.63 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
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