The best death jokes

Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
Vote: has 74.03 % from 101 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, death, school
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body." Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
Vote: has 73.95 % from 318 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, little Johnny, school, teacher
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, men, wife
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
Vote: has 73.68 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, love, wife
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, life


<<<17181920
More jokes →
Page 17 of 57.