The best death jokes

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 73.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
When you die on Earth you go to hell. When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.
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has 73.71 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, family
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: bird, blonde, death, stupid
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
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has 73.38 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
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has 73.22 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
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has 72.68 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler
How do you kill 10,000 Mexicans? Throw a peso over a cliff. How do you kill 10,000 more? Tell them nobody got it.
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has 72.61 % from 298 votes. More jokes about: death, mexican, racist
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, sport, Yo mama
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