The best death jokes

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, music
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
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has 74.06 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.
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has 74.05 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: death, political, tax, time
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
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has 74.00 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: car, death, heaven, sex, wife
Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
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has 73.94 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
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has 73.93 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 73.91 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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