The best death jokes

The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Out dated farm equipment.
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has 71.58 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
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has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
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has 70.73 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, racist
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp. Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish." After a thought he says he's got it. "My first wish is i want a million dollars." Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars." Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.." Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres. "And now you have but one wish." "The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."
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has 70.58 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, genie, money, racist
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
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has 70.48 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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