The best death jokes

Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?" "I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children." "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the gates she went. To the next, he asked the same question: "So what did you do on Earth?" "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love." "How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went. He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO." St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also." "Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in." "Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, nurse, time, work
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
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has 71.36 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
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has 71.35 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, racist
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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has 71.27 % from 261 votes. More jokes about: asian, black humor, death, hospital
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween
Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
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has 71.22 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, death, old people, Yo mama
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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