The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.