Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man. When the last line is drawn, that man dies!
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Chuck Norris never dies. And of course, he will also never fade away.