The best death jokes

Chuck Norris never dies. And of course, he will also never fade away.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Vote: has 71.41 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, racist
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.90 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, men, women
Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, Halloween
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, life, technology
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp. Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish." After a thought he says he's got it. "My first wish is i want a million dollars." Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars." Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.." Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres. "And now you have but one wish." "The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."
Vote: has 70.71 % from 337 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, death, genie, money, racist
Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch... Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. "Well, since we’re confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I’m ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, money, priest


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