The best death jokes

Chuck Norris never dies. And of course, he will also never fade away.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Travel agency named „Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, travel
Three men were caught for murder on same day. Very next day they were produced in the court. After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch. It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone. After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes. Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish. First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing. He is lashed 500 times all over his body. He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness. When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me." Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes. Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish. He looked around. He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiot. He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "
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has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, prison, time, wife
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, sport, Yo mama
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, wife
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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has 70.03 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
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