Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something.
They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them.
Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes.
The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!"
The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
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Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand.
The police ask, "is that your wife?"
"Yes" says the man.
"Did you kill her with that golf club?"
"Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club.
"How many times did you hit her?"
The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
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Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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Joke has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra?
A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.