Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion. No episode aired, as no one survived.
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
Did you know the Dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris? But only once.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."