The best death jokes

Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, drunk
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis. Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing. After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me." The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected. But finally he decides to inspect the area. Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around. Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone. Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!" The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
Vote: has 66.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: catholic, death, life, music, party
Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, Hitler
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
Vote: has 65.84 % from 1185 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! What for?” “For killing my third wife. I strangled her.” “What happened to your second wife?” “I shot her.” “And, if I may ask, your first wife?” “We had a fight and she fell off a building.” “Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, old people, prison, wife
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, life, prison