The best death jokes

In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
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has 66.69 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, military, war
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks? A: The only good one killed himself.
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has 66.49 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, Hitler, work
What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Out dated farm equipment.
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has 66.47 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra? A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, medical, viagra
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
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has 66.18 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: business, car, death, drunk, lawyer
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor, food
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
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has 65.98 % from 1199 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
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