The best death jokes

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! What for?” “For killing my third wife. I strangled her.” “What happened to your second wife?” “I shot her.” “And, if I may ask, your first wife?” “We had a fight and she fell off a building.” “Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, old people, prison, wife
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, life, prison
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, church, death
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, sport
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, math
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
A Gujarati Funeral… A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha, I am sending Puj. Ba’s dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT, India. Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids. Please divide these among all of you. Near Ba’s feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct! Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take it. The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews. Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally. Yours loving sister, Anubhavi P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days…
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, food, funeral, life
Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, ugly, Yo mama