The best death jokes

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, food, life
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Vote: has 66.21 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.
Vote: has 66.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, morbid, poems
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?” “Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,” the mortician replied. “His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.” Albert’s wife smiled at the undertaker. “After that,” he continued, “it was just a matter of swapping the heads.”
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, old people
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
Vote: has 65.86 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
Vote: has 65.81 % from 1184 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, drunk