The best death jokes

Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 66.99 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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has 66.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, men, military, women
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 66.55 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, wife
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, pirate
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, god, golf, priest, sport
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: bible, death, money
Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.
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has 66.01 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
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