The best death jokes

Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, food, life
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Vote: has 69.95 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, death
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, death, management, military