The best death jokes

My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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has 70.27 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: asian, black humor, death, hospital
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
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has 69.99 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, life, time
Chuck Norris is proof that legends never die.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, sport, Yo mama
A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, god, golf, priest, sport
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, food
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, men, women
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
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