Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Travel agency named „Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.