The best death jokes

Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, life, prison
Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand. The police ask, "is that your wife?" "Yes" says the man. "Did you kill her with that golf club?" "Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club. "How many times did you hit her?" The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, wife
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra? A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, medical, viagra
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
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has 66.18 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, war
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: death, men, military, women
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, pirate
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
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has 65.92 % from 1194 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Once a doctor dies. He was a heart specialist. At the funeral, his family members and friends make a special coffin on which there is a heart. A man laughs. Another man asks him why he laughed. He says, "I am a gyno I wonder what they will do on my funeral."
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has 65.73 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, doctor, family, funeral
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