The best death jokes

Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Vote:
has 64.34 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, fitness
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died. The good brother missed him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
Vote:
has 64.26 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, god, heaven, life
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote:
has 64.25 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, war
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life
Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: death, food, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
Vote:
has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama's so stupid she tried comiting suicide by jumping of a tall building but got lost on the way down.
Vote:
has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: death, stupid, Yo mama
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Vote:
has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Vote:
has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
<<<26272829
More jokes →
Page 26 of 60.