The best death jokes

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."
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has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: cop, death
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 67.96 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
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has 67.69 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, food
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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