The best death jokes

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, tax, work
Yo mama's so stupid she tried comiting suicide by jumping of a tall building but got lost on the way down.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, stupid, Yo mama
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 68.68 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, god, golf, priest, sport
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, food
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
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