How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man. When the last line is drawn, that man dies!
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Knock, knock Who's there? I'm Mr, Farter. Mr, Farter who? I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
Yo mama's so stupid she tried comiting suicide by jumping of a tall building but got lost on the way down.