A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives:
1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident.
2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident.
3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience.
I'll take the lawyers heart.
After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient:
"Why did you choose the lawyers heart?"
"Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors.
Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks.
When asked he replied miserably...
"My wife missed the bus"
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.
Why do women make better soldiers?
Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Travel agency named „Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.
Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.
Vote:
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
Vote:
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Vote:
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.