The best death jokes

Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor, food
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, life, technology
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, work
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 67.41 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: death, men, military, women
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! What for?” “For killing my third wife. I strangled her.” “What happened to your second wife?” “I shot her.” “And, if I may ask, your first wife?” “We had a fight and she fell off a building.” “Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, old people, prison, wife
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, fish
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
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has 67.14 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, war
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