The best death jokes

Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man. When the last line is drawn, that man dies!
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Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Vote: has 68.00 % from 172 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, funeral, gay
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Chuck Norris can see in the dark.
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If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
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The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
When Light wrote Chuck Norris' name in the Death Note, the book died.
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death


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