The best death jokes

A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
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has 65.95 % from 1192 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
Once a doctor dies. He was a heart specialist. At the funeral, his family members and friends make a special coffin on which there is a heart. A man laughs. Another man asks him why he laughed. He says, "I am a gyno I wonder what they will do on my funeral."
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has 65.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, doctor, family, funeral
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, tax, work
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, food
Chuck Noris once got his blood tested. His blood type was AK-47.
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, health
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, work
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died. The good brother missed him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, god, heaven, life
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