Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Out dated farm equipment.
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.” The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde. “I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.