The best death jokes

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: death, democrat
What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Out dated farm equipment.
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has 63.59 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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has 63.43 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
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has 63.27 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game, life
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, heaven
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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