The best death jokes

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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has 63.07 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, life, prison
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, marriage, political, sex
An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
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has 62.76 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, doctor, gay
Jenna, Jessica and ariana die. They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud". The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy. Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy. Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall. Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?" The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life, ugly
Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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