The best death jokes

Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
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has 67.69 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, food
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, life, technology
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, men, military, women
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, fish
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
Somebody said that Chuck sucks, since then their severed head with many foot marks have been found...
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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