The best death jokes

Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, food
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, work
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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has 63.43 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, marriage, political, sex
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game, life
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, heaven
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