The best death jokes

Most leading hand sanitizers say that they can kil 99.99% of all germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of WHATEVER HE WANTS.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
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More jokes about: death, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, music
Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, food
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, death
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, family, Halloween, time
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
Vote: has 67.52 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, communication, death, old people, Yo mama
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote: has 67.15 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids


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