The best death jokes

There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, food
Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, life, technology
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, morbid, teen
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
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has 67.09 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, war
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
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