The best death jokes

Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: age, death, work
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
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has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, pirate
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
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has 66.01 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
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has 65.93 % from 1191 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
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has 65.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable. You in there with mass murderers and everybody. "What you in here for?" "I killed six people. What you in here for?" "Comedy Central."
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, life, prison
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death
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