The best death jokes

Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, death, life, technology
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."
Vote: has 67.52 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, death
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
Vote: has 67.31 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
Vote: has 67.10 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dirty
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, money
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers? A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dirty, gay, sex, sport
Somebody said that Chuck sucks, since then their severed head with many foot marks have been found...
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death


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