The best death jokes

A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, heaven
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, food, stupid, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.
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has 63.12 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: death, dinosaur, fat, science, Yo mama
Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, fitness
An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
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has 62.96 % from 319 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, doctor, gay
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, food
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, political
You mamas so small she fell of her chair and committed suicide.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: death, insulting, Yo mama
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