The best death jokes

Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.
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has 62.46 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, dinosaur, fat, science, Yo mama
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
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has 62.43 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
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has 62.40 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: car, death, heaven, marriage, wedding
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
You mamas so small she fell of her chair and committed suicide.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: death, insulting, Yo mama
Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 61.99 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, money, political
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, political
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