The best death jokes

Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is... Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, work
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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has 64.73 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, men, women
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, geography, health
A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said, "Your fly is undone." The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again, "Your pants have a slit back." The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand. "Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease. The man bent down to tie his shoelaces. "Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled. The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said, "Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
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has 64.71 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fart, parrot
Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
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