The best death jokes

It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
Vote: has 66.68 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 128 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, death, war
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, work
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, death
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death, travel, winter
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.” The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde. “I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, death, money


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