If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"