Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra? A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.
You mamas so small she fell of her chair and committed suicide.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
Just found out that my Asian friend died last week... So Yung.