There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died. The good brother missed him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
You mamas so small she fell of her chair and committed suicide.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.