The best death jokes

Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.
Vote: has 61.35 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, morbid, poems
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, heaven
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.” The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde. “I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, death, money
If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, chemistry, death, wife
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, military, women