The best death jokes

Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
has 64.26 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
has 64.09 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
has 63.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
has 63.92 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler, morbid
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.” The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde. “I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, money
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