The best death jokes

Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Noris once got his blood tested. His blood type was AK-47.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, health
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
Vote:
has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Vote:
has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote:
has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
Vote:
has 63.76 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, friendship
Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, fitness
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, money, political
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
<<<32333435
More jokes →
Page 32 of 59.