The best death jokes

I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
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has 63.95 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
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has 63.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, morbid, teen
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
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has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, friendship
Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, fitness
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, money, political
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is... Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, democrat
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
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