The best death jokes

Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, fitness
Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man. When the last line is drawn, that man dies!
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: death, dinosaur, fat, science, Yo mama
Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
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has 63.58 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler, morbid
Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
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has 63.35 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
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