When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
Did you know the Dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris? But only once.
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died. The good brother missed him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.