Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
Chuck Norris can kill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said, "Your fly is undone." The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again, "Your pants have a slit back." The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand. "Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease. The man bent down to tie his shoelaces. "Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled. The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said, "Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.