The best death jokes

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra? A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: death, medical, viagra
Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, ugly, Yo mama
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death, travel, winter
Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, dinosaur, fat, science, Yo mama
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
Knock, knock Who's there? I'm Mr, Farter. Mr, Farter who? I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
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has 62.80 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, knock-knock, mother in law
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
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