A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here! Cop: Okay, calm down. Where are you? Blonde: The cemetery! Cop: *facepalm*
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.