The best death jokes

How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 60.67 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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has 60.35 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, phone
A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said, "Your fly is undone." The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again, "Your pants have a slit back." The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand. "Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease. The man bent down to tie his shoelaces. "Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled. The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said, "Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
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has 60.21 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fart, parrot
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: death, money, political
Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man. When the last line is drawn, that man dies!
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Did you know the Dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris? But only once.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, dinosaur
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
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has 59.80 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
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