The best death jokes

Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
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has 57.17 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, death
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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has 57.08 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor
Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road. He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride. A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?" The black pastor snaps back. The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision. When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself. He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"
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has 56.58 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: black people, church, death, god, heaven
Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
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has 56.41 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler, morbid
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, life, money
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 56.13 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
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has 56.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife
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