The best death jokes

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 63.38 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, cowboy, death
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, political
Chuck Norris killed the devil and is selling his own line of Picks of Destiny, available in all Chuck Norris approved guitar shops.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, music
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, music
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: death, dinosaur, fat, science, Yo mama
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