The best death jokes

An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
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has 62.61 % from 313 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, doctor, gay
Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
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has 62.39 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler, morbid
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, work
Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, family, Halloween, time
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, chemistry, death, wife
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, political
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
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