The best death jokes

Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
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has 56.88 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: death, Hitler, morbid
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road. He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride. A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?" The black pastor snaps back. The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision. When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself. He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"
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has 56.85 % from 198 votes. More jokes about: black people, church, death, god, heaven
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, cop, death, work
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor
Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 56.77 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
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