The best death jokes

Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
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has 55.93 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: death, math
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
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has 55.78 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: atheist, church, death
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
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has 55.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side. "Sleep now, it's all right," he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said, "Honey, I really need to tell you something." Finally Jake let her get it off her chest. "Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." "Don't worry about it," Jake said, "I already know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
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has 55.19 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, life, wife
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
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has 55.11 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, wife
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 55.05 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: "Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you." The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk. The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die." The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hell were you when I got married last week?"
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has 55.05 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: car, death, marriage
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