The best death jokes

Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Vote:
has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife, women
In the game "Clue", the murder is always committed by Chuck Norris, with a roundhouse kick, in any room he danged well pleases.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game
Somebody said that Chuck sucks, since then their severed head with many foot marks have been found...
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
Vote:
has 60.88 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
Vote:
has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, military, war
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
Vote:
has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life
<<<35363738
More jokes →
Page 35 of 59.