The best death jokes

Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!
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has 56.50 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, dinosaur
First man: "I follow the medical profession." Second man: "Are you a doctor?" First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
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has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, medical, work
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
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has 56.16 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: car, death, heaven, marriage, wedding
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
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has 56.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
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has 55.79 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, death
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
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has 55.39 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: death, math
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
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has 55.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
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has 55.19 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, death
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
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has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: atheist, church, death
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