Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener. Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it. Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire. Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.