It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Death once took Chuck Norris. He regreted it.