In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!