The best death jokes

Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
2PAC once thought he was tougher than Chuck Norris... he was later murdered.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, music
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
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More jokes about: animal, death, doctor
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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More jokes about: black humor, death, work
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Vote: has 62.74 % from 102 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
Vote: has 62.59 % from 310 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, doctor, gay
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is... Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time


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