The best death jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death
Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.
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More jokes about: death, ugly, Yo mama
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
Vote: has 62.91 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, family, mexican
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor". The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news". The doctor replies, "He's dead".
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, ginger
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
Vote: has 62.59 % from 310 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, doctor, gay
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 107 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, friendship


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