The best death jokes

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, death
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death, travel, winter
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
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has 62.75 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: death, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
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has 62.59 % from 310 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, doctor, gay
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, heaven
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
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