The best death jokes

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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has 54.14 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop, death, phone
Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.
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has 54.11 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: death, morbid, poems
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!" At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same beer. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death. The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, blonde, celebrity, death
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
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has 53.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: "Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you." The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk. The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die." The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hell were you when I got married last week?"
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has 53.92 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: car, death, marriage
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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has 53.78 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
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has 53.70 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, jewish, morbid
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ." "That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
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has 53.70 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, money, wife
When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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has 53.62 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
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