Where does the devil go when he dies?
He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
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Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge.
By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
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A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic.
If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine.
I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either.
I am a hemophiliac.
If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either.
I am also a diabetic.
If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
No chicken dies a virgin.
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead.
Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
A: Because his wife died.
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Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
First man: "I follow the medical profession."
Second man: "Are you a doctor?"
First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died?
A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.