The best death jokes

Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
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has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, democrat
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
Most leading hand sanitizers say that they can kil 99.99% of all germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of WHATEVER HE WANTS.
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Chuck Norris knows who's buried in Grant's Tomb.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, doctor
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, health
Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, death
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