The best death jokes

Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Vote:
has 54.56 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, jewish, morbid
Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
Vote:
has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: death, horse, marriage, wife
A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
Vote:
has 54.49 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: death, friendship, marriage, wife
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Vote:
has 54.45 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.
Vote:
has 54.22 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: death, morbid, poems
Yo mama so stupid... she died of starvation in a grocery store.
Vote:
has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, stupid, Yo mama
What happens to black people after they die? Nigger Mortis.
Vote:
has 54.09 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!" At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same beer. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death. The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
Vote:
has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, blonde, celebrity, death
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
Vote:
has 53.99 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, little Johnny
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Vote:
has 53.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
<<<37383940
More jokes →
Page 37 of 60.