Q: What was the one thing Hitler did well? A: Kill himself.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.