Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."
No chicken dies a virgin. They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
First man: "I follow the medical profession." Second man: "Are you a doctor?" First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.