The best death jokes

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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has 57.64 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: air force, death, military, money, navy
Death once took Chuck Norris. He regreted it.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
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has 57.26 % from 215 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, death
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, death
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
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has 57.04 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife
If Chuck Norris killed Kenny, he'd stay dead.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, cop, death, drunk
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