Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here! Cop: Okay, calm down. Where are you? Blonde: The cemetery! Cop: *facepalm*
Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener. Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it. Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire. Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.