The best death jokes

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Chuck Norris knows who's buried in Grant's Tomb.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, music
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, heaven
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, death
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, health
Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
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