The best death jokes

No chicken dies a virgin. They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
has 56.31 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: death, math
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
has 56.31 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, jewish, morbid
What happens to black people after they die? Nigger Mortis.
has 56.22 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, racist
Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!
has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, dinosaur
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
has 55.87 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, we have to be sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, phone
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