The best death jokes

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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More jokes about: death, women
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
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More jokes about: death, love, women
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
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More jokes about: death, military, office
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
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More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Vote: has 43.39 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, women
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
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More jokes about: death, disgusting, drug
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times? A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
Vote: has 42.53 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, cop, death, racist
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, hospital, marriage, money, wife
Chuck Norris is who killed Kenny.
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Vote: has 40.31 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dead baby, death, Yo mama