The best death jokes

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, death
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT, life, phone
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, chemistry, death, wife
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 136 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Hitler, jewish
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, life, music
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, democrat
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
Vote: has 58.46 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dirty
What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
Vote: has 58.35 % from 190 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, death


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