Most leading hand sanitizers say that they can kil 99.99% of all germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of WHATEVER HE WANTS.
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is... Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died? A: A black widow.
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.