Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to. He knows CPR.
Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.