A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
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Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
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Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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