The best death jokes

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, hospital, marriage, money, wife
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Vote: has 44.46 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, women
Chuck Norris is who killed Kenny.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, love, women
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
Vote: has 43.52 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, military, office
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Vote: has 43.39 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, women
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, disgusting, drug
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, soccer
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, drunk, money
Q: Where did OP go in the explosion? A: Everywhere.
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, terrorist