Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to.
He knows CPR.
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Did you know the Dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris?
But only once.
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Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
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The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
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