Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died?
A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Yo mama so stupid... she died of starvation in a grocery store.
If Chuck Norris killed Kenny, he'd stay dead.
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Chuck Norris actually died a while back.
Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
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Chuck Norris isn't just a name, it's a cause of death.
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Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.
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Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.
He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
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A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic.
If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine.
I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either.
I am a hemophiliac.
If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either.
I am also a diabetic.
If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
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