The best death jokes

Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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has 49.12 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, fish
If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, life
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, couple, death, winter
Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
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has 48.68 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: death, jewish, sex
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
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has 48.59 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, geography, health
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
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has 48.59 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, flirt, sex
A Gujarati Funeral… A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha, I am sending Puj. Ba’s dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT, India. Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids. Please divide these among all of you. Near Ba’s feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct! Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take it. The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews. Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally. Yours loving sister, Anubhavi P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days…
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has 48.41 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, life
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
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has 48.37 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, money
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