What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.
Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.